About one and a half years ago, I posted a design diary, journaling my game design journey so far. That was about a month before I had my very first convention in TableconQuest 2024 where I finally revealed Legions of Kadmon to the world. There was so much story to tell from then until today. And to have this one written as if it’s a direct continuation of Diary 2 seemed appropriate.
It’s been a very long time since I wrote an extremely long-form content like this. I resorted to smaller monthly updates in video formats most of the time these days, but I have really missed writing a long casual-sounding blog post like these. I chose to write this again because recently, someone told me that they appreciated my candour and how it would make a good ‘content’ or reading material. This post is probably the most candid I can get. I hope it’s an enjoyable read.
The Light
I ended Diary 2 with Into the Light where as most of you might have guessed refer to revealing Legions of Kadmon to the public. Simply to say, the light here refers to the public.
If you are a constant reader of my blogs and updates, you must be familiar with the series called Aftermath where it serves very much like an After Action Report for every event I attended. You must’ve understood that we’ve visited a lot of places so far in our journey. I’ve received a fair share of comments and most of them were really pleasant. In fact, they were so pleasant that sometimes I would question myself if it was real. For every praise I got, it became a huge pressure on me to put the game up for sale. And… that’s kind of where I face my first mistake as a publisher: I set an unreasonable launch date.
Yep, I remembered on the first TCQ I told everyone that it would be up on Kickstarter in November 2024. Then I dragged it back to March 2025. Then, I found myself dragging it back to October 2025. There were so many parts of the game which weren’t ready back then. And there was an entire world of Game Publishing that I was foreign to. How could I even expect a good launch when I wasn’t ready for any of it?
Though, I kept any praises given to me as a fuel to propel me forward. I was glad that everyone could see my passion through the game I’ve put up for demo. It made all the work designing worthwhile.
Of course, there was the other side of the coin and as often as any other work, the other side dug way deeper into your head. And it could get very painful. Yep, I’m talking about criticisms.
Learning to Breathe
This year and a half was probably the first time ever I exposed any of my work to the scrutiny of very opinionated individuals. It took me a long time to learn how to breathe in it. As with many other creators (and rightly so), I too have a certain ego when it comes to wanting to do something a certain way. There were moments when I spent days thinking about a negative comment made during a convention. I often found myself dismissing them, saying, “Bah, that’s not true.” Only to wonder about it again because deep inside I know that there were truths in it.
It was these moments of reflection which felt the most suffocating out of all. The internal turmoil within yourself, questioning the criticism while also accepting that you’ve made a mistake and you’re imperfect.
Very early on, the biggest example for this was the changes I finally made to the Fragment of the Great Evil. It took me about four months and four conventions to finally concede that my design for this particular card is trash and made a change. And now, I couldn’t be more thankful for it because I discovered a completely new gameplay aspect which opens up a lot more possibilities for the game.
Lesson #1: The light, no matter how glaring, shows the path. There is a good-will in any criticism made, no matter how harsh it sounds.
The Storm
After I concluded BGG.CON 2024 back in November 2024, I realised that as a solo-creator, I have a huge task ahead of me. It was the first time the weight of the project really dawned on me. I listed some of the things I had to do back then:
- Fix some cards
- Finish the component’s design
- Print preview copies
- Get preview copies to content creators
- Prepare a Campaign page
- Getting more audience
- Backend stuff like logistics and taxes
Then, there is also the book side of things:
- Writing a Third Draft after Alphas + Editor’s comments
- Study Self-Publishing + getting a copy ready for Beta Reads
- Marketing
I realised that there was no way for me to do all this with only 4 hours a day and still meeting my goal of launching the Kickstarter in October 2025. I knew then that I had to churn out a little extra for this little passion project of mine. I began to sleep less just to try to get an extra two to three hours in.
Not a good idea.
A Cost
Sometime around December – February 2025, I have been sleeping less and my health has been pretty affected by it. I wasn’t eating healthy, and I spent eighteen hours a day in front of the computer—programmer in the day, writer / game designer at night. I skipped Christmas and New Years because holidays are the perfect work day for passion projects. My family showed their fair share of concern because I got sick pretty frequently. And personally, I too felt that I’m working three full time jobs and it was extremely difficult to keep up.
The worst part is how much that lifestyle affected the quality of the work I produce. The third draft of my book is sloppy. I made so many careless mistakes in designing my cards (which bites me big time in the back later). I realised that my capacity to remember things also declined.
I had to give something up.
It Gets Better… For a While
In March 2025, I decided to leave my programming job. I weighed my options. I most definitely cannot give up on Legions of Kadmon and being an author has been a long dream of mine, I wouldn’t give up on publishing my book either. My full-time job had to take the short end of the stick.
It also happened that during the period, the workplace had gone a little stagnant. I didn’t feel like I was improving and the project wasn’t going anywhere. Everyone in the studio was burnt out with the project. That decision made the most sense to me.
Some may feel that quitting the life of a corporate slave is a happy thing. But I felt very bittersweet about it. I gave up on the little studio that had given me so much. Before I was ever a “creative”, they were the ones who took a gamble on me giving me a chance to enter the game industry even when I don’t have any relevant prior experience. I had to say goodbye to many individuals (colleagues) who, in my lowest point of designing Legions of Kadmon in 2024, had contributed so much to its development.
And yes, for a while, everything seemed amazing. Legions’ development were making strides and visible progress. Chapters are completed, components are being made. Blender is running continuously to make amazing 3D renders for prototyping and marketing materials. My experiences on After Effects came surging back as I delved back into animation. Tabletop Simulator build was also completed around this time and I even spent some time learning TTS Scripting to automate the process as much as I could. My health also improved which is a big plus.
I often used an analogy of sailing into a storm with a small raft. No guarantee of safe voyage. Only augmented with the spirit of adventure and maybe a sprinkle of recklessness. But hey, we sailed, took the first step, and we are braving the storm.
Lesson #2: Embracing the storm always requires sacrifices. To move forward, some things must be let go. Sure, you can try to minimize risks and costs, but you still gotta pay nonetheless.
Big Waves
And so, from March 2025 to April 2025, the sea was calm, the sky was clear, and my little raft was having its journey with no problem. Then, four big waves hit the little raft.
I find it a little amusing and annoying that when unfavourable things happen, it often occurs at the same time. Maybe, it just has something to do with how we perceive the world. Like calls to like (quoting ACOTAR here hehe). Once the initial blow hits you in the face, you can’t help but think about all the bad things that could happen again. Soon, you’d find yourself in a spiraling drain of negativity.
Wave 1: A Heavy Criticism
One of the biggest ones was receiving a really heavy criticism from an individual I hold with utmost respect. Believe it or not, but getting a discouraging comment from someone you look up to hurts a lot more than getting criticisms from players. It was pretty bad to the point that it got me thinking that there was something wrong in the game’s core design.
I went back to the drawing board for a while and explored different types of changes. It went so far into implementing some kind of a market system, believe it or not. To say that I was dejected was an understatement because in my head, it felt like a problem I couldn’t solve.
It took me two months until a group of kind playtesters told me that they saw nothing wrong with the current iteration and that everything came down to a person’s taste. Art is after all subjective. And by adding more gameplay loop, I was only diluting the core experience that the current players enjoyed. Which was the politicking and scheming, the wow aspect of being able to claim the Sovereigns you’ve defeated and bring them into the final fight. The chaos of perfecting that timing to cast the right spell at the right time. They encouraged me to stay true to what the game is meant to be.
Wave 2: Kickstarter Kept Rejecting My Project
It took me so much time to get my project approved on Kickstarter. That was the reason why the pre-launch page went up very late into the entire process. The first instance it was rejected was because (assumption) I failed to give enough details on the project. Which to me was a bummer because I believed I had put a lot of metadata on the Internet about Legions of Kadmon. I realised that I had to put up an almost ready campaign page to even get the pre-launch page approved.
When I did that and resubmitted my project, it got rejected again with the reason being a similar project already existing. I was befuddled. Legions of Kadmon were never published or manufactured at a large scale. A search on the internet always directed it to my website and Kickstarter yielded no result. What could possibly happen?
I sent a query, only to receive a reply from something that sounded a lot like a chat bot (gosh I hate these so much). I sent another support ticket, in hope that it would reach a person, but it was completely ignored. I was at the point where I considered moving to Gamefound completely ahaha.
Luckily for me, Yixian from King and the Pawn Games came for a safe by sharing a contact. The reply was prompt and the issue was fixed. Turns out, my first submission which was rejected was kept in the database and their backend failed to recognise that the second submission was a revision for the first. Funny, because the front end reflected it as an “appeal”.
Wave 3: The Preview Copy Comes Back Terrible
At the same time, my first batch of preview copy which I planned on sending over to content creators turned out horrible. The print quality wasn’t great because we tried to cut so much on cost by using low quality paper. My inexperience also showed a lot with configurations with me being foreign with board game manufacturing terminologies. This cost me a component that ended up ‘mis-printed’ just because I thought having ‘wrapped edges’ sounded like it is of a higher quality.
Remember those days when I wasn’t sleeping much? Yea, it bit me in the back during this moment. The design file I sent for the cards had a critical misprint. One of the Samael pieces is printed as a Horror. And I was missing a crucial ‘Dawn’ Icon for the Tomb. Everything was just a complete mess.
Content creators took time to make their previews. And I was cutting it very close to my planned launch date of October 2025. If I try to catch this deadline, I would need to send an unsatisfactory preview copy. Some of my peers who had gone through the Kickstarter route told me that it should be okay. That they could make a disclaimer, etc. But my conscience wouldn’t allow it. I mean… how could I send them a sample that even I am not proud of?
So… I made the decision to yet again… delay the launch to February 2026 and fix my samples.
Wave 4: My Editor Quits
The writing front was not kind either. For a good year, I was working with an editor for my book. But during this time, I received the news that she wouldn’t be able to proceed with the project due to commitments on her full-time job. It was another huge blow to me. Around this time, I was really trying to ready the Advanced Reader copies for my book so that I could bring some for Dragonsteel Nexus. Unfortunately, that couldn’t happen. The manuscript remained un-edited and I had to proceed to make the 3rd draft solely on Beta reader’s feedback.
Of course, at the moment of writing, I have found myself another editor and someone who is really amazing. But the delay cost me heading into Dragonsteel Nexus without a book ready. Which was, frankly, one of my biggest goals in 2025.
The Cost Becomes Heftier Than It Should Be…
With those issues coming into my attention around the same time, it was a really difficult period for me. What made it worse was the fact that I didn’t really have the support system I used to have.
Here’s the hidden cost of quitting my full-time job. A lot of the time, many would worry about their financial situation. It was not exactly the case for me. What I wished people told me was… that I would be spending most of my time in the struggle completely alone. Facing those issues as I worked alone at home was anxiety-inducing. It was so easy to fall into a downward spiral.
And yea. It was tough. The cost felt heavier than it should be.
Lesson #3: No journey is ever flawless. No matter how much you have prepared, there will always be something that knocks you down. Accept it and pick yourself back up.
An Anchor to the Present
The truth is, I am writing this blog to thank all of you. Those who had supported Legions of Kadmon from the very beginning. Despite the delays and the slow progress of development coming from a solo dev. Without you, this project would even go slower than what it is now as I would have been fighting all those darkness alone.
You helped me pick myself back up when I needed it most.
In July 2025, Asian Board Games Festival Malaysia 2025 was held. Approaching that event, I felt miserable. Utterly miserable. In my mind, I felt that I had disappointed you guys, especially those who played my game in Penang the year before. I was coming back into the event without a published game, and still I couldn’t sell copies in the festival yet. I knew, before I went, that there were people who were looking forward to purchasing a copy (through Instagram DMs and all that). But darn, I couldn’t do that.
Yet, when I arrived, I received nothing but support. And yes, there are many who returned to the event to see me and wondered if they could finally purchase a copy. I continuously have to explain that it has been delayed, but I got back a heartening reply of, “Oh, well there’s next year. We’ll wait for it. We love your game.”
It threw me back to my first event. The first time I received so much support that it felt overwhelming. I feared those expectations once. But now, I realised how much it had helped the game grow to what it is today. And more than that, it too has helped me grow as a person and as someone who is pursuing a creative endeavour.
These very heartfelt support were not limited to Penang by the way. TCQ 2025, BIGF 2025, and DSNX 2025. I cherish them and I cherish all of you. I want to share some of your comments that have impacted me most. I may be paraphrasing, but this is how I remembered it. And these are what helped me push through on heavier days.
“Hey, I remember you from last year!” ~ ABGFMY 2025.
“I am back to claim my victory with Samael!” ~ TCQ 2025.
“Thank you for bringing this to Thailand. I can feel so much heart being put into this game and it really shows.” ~ BIGF 2025.
“No matter what happens, please promise us never to give this up.” ~ DSNX 2025.
“Isn’t it cool? To present an amazing Fantasy game in the home of the greatest Fantasy author in the world today? You made it dude! You’re in Dragonsteel Nexus!” ~ DSNX 2025.
Your words anchored me to the present and it is the best thing I could ever ask for. Your words helped me speak my truth.
Lesson #4: Cherish the people you meet in your journey. Because even when you feel that you are traversing the path alone, you aren’t. Be a little braver to ask for help, and remember those who had.
The Changes It Made in You
Less Than 48 Hours Till Launch. How am I doing?
As we approach the last 48 hours before my debut game goes live on Kickstarter, I am terrified and excited at the same time. To me, this feels like standing in the Arche Abbey Prayer Room, moments before you face Laxasia the Complete for the very first time. But as best as I could, I replay the voices of the players I have met along the way to brace the thunderstorm.
As my first project, with my limited experience, this might be the best I’ve got to give so far. All of those life lessons imparted to me through this one year come into play.
- Lesson 1 reminds me to listen to you—my audience—especially as we approach this foreign territory of a Kickstarter campaign.
- Lesson 2 reminds me that to move forward with my project, I must be willing to leave my comfort zone behind and raise this stake accordingly.
- Lesson 3 reminds me that errors and faults will happen, but tells me that it is normal and is part of the process.
- Lesson 4 reminds me that I’m not in this alone.
So… Thank you for keeping this dream alive. Thank you for playing my game. I hope to see you on the 24th of February, and I certainly hope I can get Legions of Kadmon in your hands.
And thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow and change as I pursue this creative journey.
Lesson #5: “The most important change made by an artistic endeavor is the change it makes in you.” ~ Brandon Sanderson.
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